Feelings

Can anyone tell me why when some I know is sad I get sadder, like really sad, I sit around with my head down and smoke, in the rain, with my ipod choosing only the saddest songs on there, its like I'm trying to make myself as sad as them, like its a challenge, i have to be the saddest no one can take my crown of depression king, or queen, i dont know the point is i hate being like this, being away from my friends when they need me the most, being away from my girlfriend when she cries and i cant do anything all i can do is sit on the other end of the phone an pray all her problems leav like some sort of emotional magic wipe, and i'm so wrapped up in worrying about others problems then i dont stop and look at my own, i hate this place, i hate it, i want out, i just want her, thats it, even for one day, i could really use it right, just to hold her, thats all i want, but nope, come tomorrow ill wake at 0730 on my own, get ready go to work and text her after, and the people there think i'm crazy cause i go over my 100 texts a day talking to her, they dont understand, no one does, oh well...

Amazing

For most of the people who read this (all 3 of you) you might have noticed that my posts have gotten more and more depressive as they have gone on, and shorter and shorter
The reason behind all of this is because I only write this when I'm bored, plus I think I'm bipolar, but that one I'm not too sure on

Anyways, when I look at it I really have noothing to be sad about, only my girlfriend lives so far away and ever since I went to visit her I've kinda stopped hanging out with my own friends, only cause her friends are so cool, and I now consider all of my friends to be complete douches, which isn't true, but thats how my minds made it seem

My guitar work is becoming harder and harder to do, which sucks cause on days like today I could really go for writing a song but my mind just isn't up for the task, and even now as i'm trying to learn new songs my fingers won't let them come out on the fret board

Also I've figured 3 things out in the past few weeks, No.1 I get really really depressed when I dont have credit for a day, cause I cant text my gf, No.2 altoid mint tins are really good for holding my rollies (if you do not know what they are consult me later) and No.3 theres a brit rock band tracking me and my gf's relationship and have wrtitten a song about us, which is creepy but cool

But enough of my talking I need to learn this murderdolls song or I'm gonna have to hurt me, bye bye

Buried Alive By Love

The distance is getting to me people
Everything is starting to mesh together like when you pick up a deck of cards and push them into each other, some bits go in perfectly, other get jarred into other parts and breaks the whole lot, I hope it doesn't happen, I'm pretty confident that it wont but i can't help but wonder

Everytime I talk to her I get a little more alone, knowing how far away she is, and theres nothing I can do to change it, just wait, thats all I can do, wait til the next time, it hasn't been that long but it still feels like a life time since we've been apart.

distance sucks, so bad,

Sick, Sick, Sick

Time is standing still, like a rock
I have no idea why, it just everything
Its either standing still or going so fast that it doesnt register in my brain
Either way its tripping me out something hardcore

I feel kinda bad from last night, not only did I drink a lot fo whisky, but I think I might have made my bestfriend hate me, if so, you know who you are and I am terribly sorry for what I said, I know you know i know

Thats all I wanted to say, bye

Dont Wanna Be The One

What is it with me, it seems around other people I'm completely happy, friendly and talkative, really good guy I must say, but place me in a room by myself for a few minutes and I turn all sad and depressed, even if I'm texting someone, with only 2 exceptions that is.

But then again I have been lonely for a while, I've been out of school for 3 years now and I've spent alot of that by myself, no one to talk to so I've learnt that when there is someone to talk to I'll just get out as much as I possibly can, god knows the next time I might hold another conversation.

Me and loneliness have a love/hate relationship, cause its been around for so long, its become a part of everyday life, but I don't want it around, I like most people, even assholes, I just try to get along with people cause I never see any.

I mean I have my girlfriend but she lives 500 km's away from me, which is even more depressing, and all my friends are either not around or live yet again 500 km's away so theres no one to really hang around with and the people I can hangaround with are usually dope fiends or pissheads so yer fun

cya........

Breakout

My head hurts, vodka plays with me
I drank a bottle of the stuff on friday night, its now sunday night and it still hasn't left

All i can remember is drinking then puking, not fun, I was drunk, really drunk
Anyways then I had another party the next night, still feeling like crap I went and felt like crap for the whole night, now i'm sitting at home with my guitar tryin to do something with it (don't ask me what) whilst having a massive head ache

But it rained all today, really good, flooded everything, I was walking along a road in town and some douche in a 4 wheel drive went through a puddle, i got drenched, and all i could do is stand there and laugh at myself

I need to write music, but i can do it, still have writers block, still can come up with anything new, which sucks, cause all i want is to write that one song that makes people go 'wow that guy is good', like One, or Thunderstruck



Stupid distance.......

Brick

Why is it that rain always makes me listen to sad music?
Anyone wanna shed some light on the topic, cause I have no idea

It started rain last night, around the time that I ran out of credit, stupid money and the unavailbility of it, I need that stuff to buy smokes the talk to my girlfriend

But anyways as i was saying, I got up this morning to have a smoke, went outside and it was rain, sat down, turned my ipod and automatically went straight for the Ben Folds Five and their song Brick
The song is about a person who got his girlfriend pregnant and now is taking her to the abortion clinic to undo his deed, why did i listen to that song? I mean its good, but its hella sad

I guess rain has always been sad to me, I love it thought, like most things sad, even though I like to think I'm a happy person, sometimes things that are sad just calm me down, espically the rain
Seriously kids if it was to rain for rest of my life i dont think i'd ever get bored with it, it minght get annoying cause I usually crash my bike when its raining, side note kids never buy a honda, just dont do it.

But some good things have come of this morning, i woke up with a message from my gf saying how much she loved me, that made me smile, then i found the ring she gave me, also made me smile, then i had a shower, that made me clean. I love cigarettes, well not love love, more like a stockholm syndrome love, like they shouldn't be doing this to my body but I'm gonna let them cause I understand where the smoke is coming from... somewhere in Virginia. And thats about all so far thats been good, but then again to look on the bright side nothing really bad has happened either.
I guess that one goes in the win column right?

well goodbye kids, but dont fear, the Booma Bird will be back to his nest soon :P